


I die every time I see them make you smile

by gusulanbaby (bigleosis)



Series: Twitter prompts [6]
Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Jongin is hurting, Lucas is a good friend, M/M, Relationship break, Sad, With happy ending, angsty, developing KaiCas friendship, minor LuTen, set around and after Mtopia, taekai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigleosis/pseuds/gusulanbaby
Summary: Miss Moonyki asked for KaiCas ... it went different as expected and turned into TaeKai with KaiCas friendship
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai & Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Series: Twitter prompts [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973611
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	I die every time I see them make you smile

**Author's Note:**

> Miss Moonyki asked for KaiCas ... it went different as expected and turned into TaeKai with KaiCas friendship

**I die every time I see them make you smile**

_for @moonyki_

_“I need a break.”_

Those words had been like a punch to the gut for Jongin. He never had seen that coming, would have never expected it from Taemin. Sure he was clingy sometimes. He wanted to spend as much time with his boyfriend as possible. And SuperM had been the best opportunity for it. They had been able to spend more time with each other, didn’t need to sneak around, and had been able to display their love and affection under the protection of their group.  
They had a great time.  
At least that was what Jongin had thought.

But now Taemin had wanted a break, wanted some distance between him and Jongin. And Jongin wasn’t even sure if they broke up or if this was just like … you know … a break. A break that would probably lead to a break-up because that’s how this worked right?   
You asked your partner for a break, to clear your head, to get things straight with yourself, being able to think about your relationship, being able to look at it from another point of view and whoops, suddenly there it was: the break-up.  
And now they had to go on a trip with all their other members and Jongin was sick of it already. He was hurting, he didn’t feel like himself. All he wanted to do was crawl into his bed in the Exo dorm, maybe call Chanyeol to pity him a bit and maybe get a hug from him and turn out the world for a few days.  
But now he had to smile through three days of constant filming, always being the happy hyung, watching out for his dongsaeng’s while he had to face Taemin.   
He hated this from the bottom of his heart.

Jongin suffered through the first day, smiling like he always did, indulging his members in their shenanigans but he was glad when he was able to crawl into bed at night, turning off the camera and just lie in the darkness.  
Even when he wasn’t alone.  
He had to share his room with Lucas, which was okay. He liked the younger boy. He was nice, sweet, a bit clumsy, like a lost puppy. It reminded Jongin of himself when he had been younger and still uncertain about how to act and how to behave. He still did that, but it was nice for a change to be able to concentrate on someone else.  
Lucas was fidgety in bed and it took some time until he had settled down. Jongin was lying close to the wall, hugging his pillow and waiting for sleep to come.  
It didn't. Of course, it didn't and after he turned what felt like the hundredth time tonight, Jongin lay on his back with a frustrated groan and buried his face in his hands.

_“I need a break.”_

For fucks sake, why make this harder than it should be? Why wasn't Taemin able to buckle up and end things? Why stretch out the inevitable? Why let Jongin suffer? Taemin knew that he would mull things over in his head. And over and over and over again up to the point where nothing made sense anymore! Did he want Jongin to break up? To end things between them?  
Jongin let out a bitter chuckle. Taemin would wait forever then because he would never stop loving him.

"Fuck," Jongin mumbled quietly into the darkness and let his hands fall back onto the mattress.

A startled yelp left his mouth when a warm big hand touched his arm.   
Lucas.   
Right, he wasn't alone.

"Hyung … you okay?"

Lucas' voice sounded rough from sleep and Jongin felt sorry for waking him and keeping him from much-needed sleep.

"It's fine, Lucas," he answered. "Go back to sleep."

Jongin turned back onto his side, facing away from Lucas. They were quiet for a long time, Jongin trying to finally fall asleep. That was until he heard a loud sigh and some shuffling from behind and a warm body was pressed to his back. It was mainly just Lucas' side, arm and hip pressed against Jongin. It was a tiny bit weird.   
Sure they touched on a daily basis. Lucas was a tactile person, always in someone's personal space, dragging his big frame over the others, mostly Ten. It was the same with Mark. Their maknae's never shy of showing their affection for and with each other.  
They lay in silence for a long time and Jongin thought that Lucas had fallen asleep when the younger spoke again.

"I know you think I am not smart enough to catch up on your mood, hyung. But I know that you are not fine." Lucas sighed. "The tension between you and Taemin-hyung is palpable. You don't have to talk about it when you don't want to. I just want you to know that you can if you want. Yeah?"

Jongin smiled despite himself. He would have never thought that Lucas would be the one to catch up on his feelings. But it made sense in some weird kind of way. He might be quiet, but he was observant, always looking out for the others.

"Okay," Jongin answered after a few moments and he heard Lucas' appreciative hum.

"Good. Now sleep, hyung."

To his own surprise, Jongin fell asleep and was woken by Mark the next morning. Lucas seemed to be awake for some time already and he followed the younger out of their caravan to join breakfast with the others.

Jongin stuck close to Lucas that day, feeling comfortable in the younger man's presence while he tried to ignore how hurt he was and act as normal as possible around Taemin.  
He made it through the second day of Mtopia just fine and when they were able to turn off the cameras for the night he let out another loud sigh and crawled underneath his blanket. Lucas joined him a few moments later, both inhabiting the same spots they had the night before. Jongin close to the wall, Lucas on his back, side pressed to Jongin's back.  
He was glad for the silence. After today he felt a bit lighter. It had been nice to have Lucas by his side most of the day. Seeing the younger goof around, his astonished and surprised faces throughout the day's tasks. It had been cute and made Jongin's feelings towards him grow even a bit more.

"Taemin wants a break," Jongin finally spoke into the silence.

Lucas was quiet for a while before he turned and his warmth leaving Jongin's body, just for a big hand returning to his back, rubbing small circles into it.

"I … I don't know what to say, Jongin-hyung," he answered honestly. "That's pretty shitty. I am sorry."

And shitty it was indeed.

"You don't need to be sorry. It's not your fault, is it?"

"No," Lucas agreed with a low voice. "I still can be sorry for you, tho. You two always seemed to be so happy together …" Lucas trailed off before he sighed and Jongin felt the same. Big sigh was a mood. "If there's anything I can do, let me know."

Now Jongin shuffled and turned around so he was able to face Lucas in the semi-darkness.

"Thank you, Lucas," Jongin mumbled, leaning his head close to Lucas'. "It's good to know that someone's here."

Lucas petted his side awkwardly before he let his hand slide over it to rest in his back.

"Of course, Jongin."

**~•~**

How long did someone take a break from a relationship?  
And was it really necessary to show that much affection for one of your fellow members like Taemin did with Ten? Did he want Jongin to get jealous? Because if he wanted that, it worked … somehow. It wasn’t that Jongin was jealous in the original definition of the word. He knew that there wasn’t anything romantic between them, that it was merely a new developing friendship, but he missed what Taemin had with Ten. He missed the time spent together, the casual touches, the not so casual touches and what he missed the most was holding Taemin at night, snuggling into his back and breathing him in.

It had been nearly two months since Taemin had asked for that break and Jongin grew tired of that game. Of being on edge most of the time as soon as he had to spend time in the same room as Taemin.  
They had another long day, getting the next choreography ready and Jongin was exhausted. Every muscle in his body felt sore, he was tired to his core but there was still so much left to do. They nailed the dance in its basics but it still lacked that tiny bit that made it perfect. He wanted to see it one last time before they would be able to go home and call it a day. Jongin stood in front of the mirror, facing his bandmates while they went through the choreography once again. He wasn’t able to pinpoint what was wrong, and wrong wasn’t exactly the right word he should use, but … it wasn’t perfect and that irked him.  
After the song faded out all of them slumped to the floor. Mark and Taeyong sprawled on their back, breathing heavily. Ten crouched down, hand pressed to the cold floor, knowing exactly that it still wasn’t perfect and trying to figure it out himself. Lucas lying on his front, head buried in his hands and Jongin wasn’t sure if he was breathing at all, while Baekhyun sat next to him, his hand resting reassuringly on his back.  
The only one still standing was Taemin, facing Jongin, their eyes locked. Jongin raised an eyebrow. Was he expecting something from him? Jongin wouldn’t give him that kind of satisfaction. He pushed himself away from the mirror wall before he walked over to where Lucas and Baekhyun were still on the floor and he squatted down, his fingers trailing over the back of Lucas’ neck.

“We should call it a day,” Jongin finally said. “You should go home.”

The others grunted in affirmation and started to get up. Jongin took Lucas’ hand and helped him up. A small smile played on his lips when he came face to face with the younger.

“You staying.” A statement, not a question from Lucas and Jongin nodded.

“Just a bit longer. I’ll try to figure out what’s missing,” he answered. “You go home with Ten, eat and sleep. You need it,” Jongin added before Lucas even had the chance to protest.

Ten showed up at Lucas’ side, wrapping his hand around his arm. “Let’s go Cas. The car is already waiting for us.”

It seemed as if Lucas wanted to say something, wanted to protest, wanted to make Jongin go home as well, but swallowed it down last minute and let himself be dragged away by Ten. Jongin watched them filter out of the room in pairs until he was alone.  
He needed a bit of alteration before he started to work out their choreography, so he sat up his phone in the music station with a playlist of some of his favourite songs. It was just to get out the restless energy, dancing for the fun of it before he had to be serious and concentrated again. Jongin got lost in the music, the upbeat tempo, the slow and sweet melodies. He let himself be guided by it, simply following the music without a fixed choreography.  
Jongin didn’t know how much time had passed when his playlist ended and he stopped. He was breathing hard, he was soaked through with sweat and endorphins rushing through his system. That would make it easier to concentrate. Jongin turned to grab his water bottle and got the shock of his life when he saw Lucas sitting at the other end of the room, his eyes trained on Jongin.

“Jesus Christ, Lucas!” Jongin exclaimed, hand on his chest and trying to calm his beating heart.

“Sorry, hyung,” the younger said when he pushed himself up from the floor and walked over to Jongin. “I didn’t want to startle you.”

Jongin pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose and exhaled loudly. “You shouldn’t be here at all. You should have gone home with Ten,” Jongin glanced at the clock on the wall. “An hour ago. How long have you been sitting there?”

Lucas had enough decency to look sheepish, casting his eyes down on the floor, fiddling with his fingers. “About thirty minutes? Maybe a bit longer?”

Jongin sighed, defeated. “Why didn’t you go home, hm?”

“I … you didn’t go home as well. And … and I didn’t want you to be alone. Maybe I could help you with the choreography, figuring out what’s wrong?”

Jongin’s heart softened when he heard Lucas’ words. He was such a sweet kid. Jongin really liked him a lot. He placed a hand on Lucas’ arm, squeezed it tightly before he let it glide down and held his hand.

“That’s kind of you, Lucas,” Jongin said. “But there’s nothing you can help me with. It’s alright. You really should go home. I won’t stay longer than necessary. I promise.”

Lucas looked up at him, their eyes meeting briefly before he tugged on Jongin’s hand that was holding his and pulled him in. Their chests collided, Lucas’ free arm wrapped around his middle and suddenly he felt lips pressed against his. It was short, barely a few seconds longs before Lucas pulled back and their eyes met.  
Jongin was too surprised to say anything. What … what had just happened? Why did Lucas kiss him? Wasn’t he in a relationship with Ten?

“Lucas?” He needed an explanation. Right the fuck now!

Lucas rested his forehead against Jongin’s, inhaling deeply and still holding him tight. “I am sorry. I should have asked if this would be okay with you … I … you just looked so beautiful while you danced and all I could think was how much I wanted to kiss you.”

Wh … what? “Ten?”

Lucas’ mouth twitched, trying to suppress a grin. “He’s okay with it. He is a very supportive boyfriend when it comes to my crush on you.”

“I am not okay with it,” Taemin’s icy voice cut through the room and made both of them jump. Taemin stood in the door, eyes fixed on them. “I am not okay with you snogging my boyfriend.”

Lucas let go of Jongin, taking a step back. But when he wanted to let go of Jongin’s hand, he held it tight.

“Oh am I? Your boyfriend? I wasn’t so sure about that anymore,” Jongin said, not able to hide how much he was hurt. “It’s really rich coming from you. The last thing I was aware off was that you wanted a break. And I still don’t know why.”

“A break doesn’t mean you can fool around with others, Jonginnie,” Taemin said, walking up to them. “We didn’t break up.”

Jongin stiffened. “Felt like it,” he whispered, which made Lucas squeeze his hand tightly.

Taemin stopped in front of them. He took in Jongin’s appearance before he turned to Lucas. He had to look up at him, which Jongin thought it was hilarious. The great Lee Taemin had to look up at someone for once.

“You should go now, Lucas. Jongin and I have to discuss things.”

Lucas was about to let go of his hand, following Taemin’s request, but Jongin held onto him. He wasn’t able to face Taemin alone, wasn’t able to talk to him. He was hurt, he felt vulnerable like never before in his life and he wanted Lucas to stay. They had grown close over the last months, becoming close friends and Jongin cherished that. To have someone in his life who didn’t judge, who indulged him in his childish shenanigans from time to time, but who could also be serious and simply listened to him when he needed to talk. Lucas had been this someone for Jongin.  
Okay, he might not have been aware of the other’s crush on him, but that was okay. It was nice to be desired.

“Whatever you want to say, Lucas can stay.”

Taemin’s gaze went back to Jongin, hurt flickering over his face. They held eye contact for a long time, Taemin biting his lower lip, trying to find the right words.

“I want you back,” he said after what seemed to be hours and Jongin tensed again. “I wanna fix things between us, Jonginnie. I made a mistake by asking you for a break. I’ve never felt lonelier in my life even with you being so close. I don’t want to feel lonely anymore, I want to have you back close to me. But now …” His eyes flickered to Lucas. “Now it feels like you don’t want me back. Nini please, I’ll do whatever you want. It hurts so bad when I have to watch them make you smile …”

Taemin looked like he was about to start crying, but Jongin wasn’t able to process his words so fast. His head was swimming with emotions and so so many questions that he didn’t know where to start.

“You are hurting?” It was Lucas low voice that broke Jongin out of his thoughts. “With all due respect, Taemin-hyung, but do you have any idea what you’ve done to Jongin? How he felt over the last months?”

“Lucas,” Jongin tried to soothe the younger man.

“No, hyung. He needs to know what you’ve been through. You’ve been hurt, you still are. And just him walking in on us and feeling jealous doesn’t give him the right to make you feel guilty. You have been just as hurt as he is.”

Of course, Lucas was right. But even when he had been hurt by Taemin, he didn’t stop loving him. He never could. Jongin pulled Lucas into a tight hug.

“Thank you, Lucas. For all what you’ve done for me. But I think you should go home now. This is something Taemin and I need to figure out alone. And you being here doesn’t make it easier.” Jongin pushed Lucas away, looking at him with a small smile. “Never thought you’d be that protective of me.”

“Someone has to be,” Lucas answered with a tiny smile himself. He pulled Jongin back into a hug. “Call me whenever you need to. Promise me, Jongin.”

“Promise,” he answered quietly and Lucas let go of him. On his way out he stopped next to Taemin, their eyes meeting. “You better treat him right this time, hyung. He deserves only the best.”

Taemin swallowed hard. “I know, Lucas. I know.”

With one last glance, the younger man left them alone. When the door was closed behind Lucas, Jongin turned to Taemin. There was a small distance between them, but for Jongin it felt like it was the biggest abyss. He wasn’t sure what to do, how to proceed from here, what Taemin wanted from him.

“I … I don’t expect you to forgive me right away,” Taemin said. “I know that I’ve put you through hell, that it hadn’t been easy for you. And I am sorry for that Nini. I have been stupid, I was overwhelmed with everything. SuperM, my own comeback, my members coming back … and I let it out on you.” Taemin sighed and his shoulders slumped. “All I am asking of you is to grant me a second chance. To make up for the shit I’ve done. Please, Jongin.”

There might be a great abyss between them. But this was Taemin. This was the love of his life who begged for a second chance after he had messed up.  
Was Jongin able to forgive him? - Not yet, but they would get there.  
Would he grant him the second chance? - Duh!  
And if it meant that he would fall into that abyss and probably end in the darkest pit on earth if it didn’t work out, so be it.  
Taemin already leapt himself into that abyss by coming and asking. He was already falling. Alone … And he couldn’t have that.  
So Jongin took a run and jumped.

“You wanna come home with me, Taeminnie?”

-The End-


End file.
